Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize