But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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