Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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