put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize