Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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