you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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