It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize