I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize