That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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