Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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