in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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