I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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