you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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