i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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