so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
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Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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