my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize