the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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