About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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