Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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