just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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