it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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