Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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