he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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