It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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