Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize