so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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