you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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