I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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