Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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