She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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