Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize