So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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