Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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