he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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