She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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