Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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