The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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