We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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