Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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