Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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