My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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