I skipped work to stalk him.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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