Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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