Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize