if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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