I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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