Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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