you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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