things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
