My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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